All in one moment
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: When Subaru is given a choice to have Seishirou's eye, these are the thoughts that float through his mind.


Disclaimer: X and Tokyo Babylon are by Clamp. Yui just loves Seishirou and Subaru...  
  
We were laughing at the koi in the pond..  
we were crying when we got scolded for being out so late...  
I ran from that boy with a strange smile and a high school uniform...  
I sniffed as I put the black gloves on...  
I saw Hokuto-oneesan frown at me for a moment...  
I met a wonderful vetenarian today...  
What was that dream about sakura?  
He kissed me when I turned around to ask him a question...  
he lost his eye for me....  
Hokuto...you're gone...  
I can't believe you're right in front of me again, Seishirou...  
Why must Kamui feel the way I did?  
Fuuma, please take my eye...  
I must become stronger...  
Seishirou, it is time...  
  
I...I...what I want to say...  
  
  
  
All in one moment.  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
  
As I sat there talking to Kamui, he began to cry a bit and I grabbed his chin lightly so that we could look at each other in the eye.  
  
I wanted to explain it to you...  
but I can't.  
  
Those eyes wanted to devour desparately a question that I couldn't answer. Or rather, one that I couldn't.  
  
It wasn't something that I couldn't put into words.  
How the hell can I put Seishirou into few, yet decisive and descriptive words?  
  
  
You just can't.  
  
  
And for me, that was an impossible task. It's like asking me to explain how much Hokuto-chan means to me and that until now, I care how she sees me.  
How I dress, how I express myself, how I acted with 'Sei-chan', how I still count how old she would be if she were alive, how I...  
  
I wanted to touch Kamui at that moment.  
I wanted to kiss him so that he could feel my sorrow and drink it with me.  
  
But I wouldn't do that to Kamui. The boy who had seen his childhood love killed by the one who vowed to protect him.  
How do you move on from such things as this?  
  
As we sat there for a long while in silence, I told so many things to Kamui in my mind...  
  
...and to you, Seishirou.  
  
How do I explain that?  
  
Tell me, Seishirou. How do you carry so much oppression and hurt only to find it spilled at the last cup?  
Tell me, Seishirou. How can all my tears be so bottled up and then when your lips and that warmth that had kept me alive for so long make me cry in a single breath?  
Teach me, Seishirou. Where did you come from? What was it about that bet that you loved about deceiving me that you kept me alive only to find myself killing you?  
  
Why didn't you tell me...  
...why did you lie to me..  
you were never honest.  
  
Only in the end. Only in the end when you whispered, "I love you."  
  
You never failed to amaze me.  
  
You always knew how to play me.  
But in the end, it was I who had been your undoing. When you said "I'll let you live," it was the day you let yourself die.  
  
That was your one flaw...  
....Me.  
  
As I looked up at Kamui, he talked to me, but I could only answer in small responses.  
Then, he left because I told him to sleep.  
  
It was then that I closed my eyes to kiss that mark of death that you had descended upon me on our fateful meeting.  
I wanted to cry...  
for that was the mark that made you so close, and yet so far away from me.  
  
I don't know how I should feel. No, not at this moment.  
In these times of frustration, I open the window and want to disappear into thin air.  
  
That's one thing I had wished for when I was a child. I told Hokuto-chan that I wanted to be a bird, but that I would always come back to her if she wanted to see me.  
  
  
I wanted to be free...  
  
As that mark disappeared, the tears were in my eyes ready to fall. And fall they did.  
I don't know how to describe you Seishirou...  
but I will say this:  
  
You let me be what I wanted to be.  
  
Then, my tears fell silently on my cheeks as I looked out the window with the sun rising and the curtains lightly flying with the wind around me.  
  
You were the one thing that held me to my fate...  
and yet you were the one person who didn't ask anything of me.  
  
Not even death...  
  
That's how I ended up in your garden. Looking around with the sakura petals falling, I thought I would see you again...  
  
Yes, I still live somewhere in Shinjuku. Drip. Yes, my grandmother is well. Drip, drip. Thank you for thinking of my sister...Drip...  
  
  
Taking the container from Fuuma's hands, that's what I had thought about.  
  
  
All in one moment, I had recalled my life for the past 25 years.  
Holding this container, I smiled wistfully as I closed my eyes softly. In a silence, I bent my head and lovingly carried the tangible burden that intertwined all my feelings...  
  
...all the ones I could never say or describe in human words.  
  
  
  
I...I truly love you...  
That's what I wanted to whisper before you closed your eyes.  
  
  
This person...  
You, Seishirou...  
  
You wished for whatever I wanted...  
  
As Fuuma turned around, I began to cry.  
  
"Seishirou...you fool..." I mumbled to myself.   
  
Always making me cry...  
Always telling me too late...  
  
Then, I bent to the ground.  
  
You already gave me what I wanted.  
You always gave me everything I ever wanted...  
  
  
How...how do you always know?  
  
At that moment, I pushed that container towards my heart even though it felt like it was bleeding a little...  
  
  
...You gave me back my heart.  
  
Doki...  
bleed.  
doki...  
bleed.  
doki...  
bleed.  
  
  
Owari.  
  
  
---  
Author's note:  
  
-_-;;;; SUBARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
It doesn't help that I'm listening to Anemone and Niji from L'arc, right? 


End file.
